If given the chance, I will be writing and publishing my personal experiences about working in the private sector then eventually int he government, the negative circumstances I was involved and how I was able to get over it, the friendships that bloomed, the chismis, politics involved, the overtime, the travels, my learnings and the knowledge I have now. I want that book to be an inspiration to young professionals like me. I've been working for 7 years now, I cried, I whined, I fell in love, I failed... I hope that it will help you guys (assuming I have an avid reader/pool of fans) out there...

Maybe, someday soon? I hope to get the framework done and hopefully I will try to submit this to someone, somewhere out there.

xoxo,
s.♥

27th on the 17th

I only pray and hope for peace of mind & heart. So I can decide what is right for me. Thank you for another year!

xoxo, s.♥

One Monday Afternoon

I kinda thought of writing again since my last post.. I've been thinking about tons of things as usual. I changed the name of this blog, I've been feeling too crappy since February and workload has been heavier than ever (not that I hate it)...

I lose my temper so easily, I get annoyed by the littlest things and it's quite annoying.

Realizations come by when tough times happen to me.

1. I am turning 27.

F. I am turning 27 in three months and I have'nt got anything under my name aside from my postpaid plan. When people started investing on cars, condominiums, lots...Where was I? Everyone is moving forward, getting married, making a lifelong career and here I am being brat about my life. Who chose this life anyway? YES, I blame myself for this, no one but me. But whoever is reading this (if there's one soul on this planet who comes across this boring blog), start earning. You can enjoy, by that I mean gadgets galore, travelling and more shopping but it isn't bad to earn as early as you can and start investing on things that actually last longer than your mobile phone.

2. I care about people who doesn't give a F about me.

This is so true. I care about the delivery guy who forgot my soda so he needs to go back to KFC and then back to my place. I care about the cashier people at toll gates, when queues are getting longer and the heat is too hot to handle. I care about the janitors of malls and movie houses and I think about those people who work their asses off to make ends meet. I care about them...I think about them... They seem to be the most irrelevant blue collared workers for you but ain't for me. I secretly wished that they earn more than enough for their family.

3. Cutting ties and burning bridges
Two different things:

a. Someone once told me to never burn bridges. I've done it a few times and I quite believe I learned from it. I am not saying that it's right but I learned a whole lot from it. It is not easy to forget your friends or officemates and go on with your life not feeling anything. I just need to do it.

b. Imagine this, you open your whole YOU to someone. You give and give and give until there's nothing to give. You offer everything that you have for the people that you think cares about you. Maybe you have too much expectations from them but believe me, at one point you will get tired of giving. If not, then good for you. But always, always save something for yourself.

If they don't approach you, don't acknowledge your presence, don't say "thank you", or just effin' ignoring you...Remember, you don't always have to do the first move. Remember, they don't you anything & getting hurt by their actions and waiting for an apology in return won't make it okay. Just save yourself from unnecessary pain. You don't need to be warm to everyone all the time, no need to smile and offer a helping hand, no need to say good morning to everybody and be worried because nobody said hi-back to you...no need to do that all the time...you don't owe them anything.

I am human, I get hurt easily and I hurt people too. I am sorry for all of it. But it's time to move on, grow and grow and grow and aim for thoe unreachable goals, and then aim some more.

xoxo,
s.♥

Cleaned the blog and deleted posts mainly related to my past- person, things, moments, emotions (hate, love, angst, anxiety, etc.)

Haven't posted anything for 2015 related to my goals and priorities but what the heck.

I have 9 months left for this year and I want to make it worthwhile. Not only for me but for the people around me. I want to be the best version of me this year. That's for sure. I attempted to list down everything I want to start doing and improve something about me but I won't be able to write it anyway. HAHAHA Maybe I should stop procrastination. :P

xoxo, s.♥

Disclaimer: Originally written last year.

I am inlove and it's none of your business to know who the person is. Okay? Understand? :) Thanks.

xoxo,
s.♥

You will never be the first one.

Kahit kailan hindi ikaw ang una sa buhay ng taong mahal mo. Hindi ikaw ang unang crush, first kiss, unang holding hands...Hindi ikaw iyon. May nauna sayo. Lalo na kung nagmeet kayo at your early 20s, for sure may mga nauna na sayo.


Wait. I sounded like...RB. HAHAHA

xoxo,
s.♥

I would like to start writing about the memories I've collected for the 26 years of my existence here in this world. I am afraid that someday I will forget it and nobody will tell me about it. It is more for me than for anybody. It is not for sharing nor for any of my loved ones. It is meant for me. I wanna return to that day where Lola Nitz would cook the best sinigang I've ever tasted, or how Mama Ro taught me how to write my full name, how I enjoyed going to the office of Papa Ruso, or why was I hiding under my Mom's table during her class? Those moments..that makes me happy now..that's all i have of my family. I am far away from them, some are in the province and out of the country.

i must say, all the strength that i have now are just coming from mere memories, phone conversations with them and photographs. I wish I could be with Mom as she gets older, I wish i could see Raz grow up and play with him..

I've never thought of death as much as i am doing right now. i am afraid of it...but damn i am so curious about it. what is it like in heaven? will i see Mama, Papa, Lolo, Lola or Papi?

xoxo, s.♥

Normal July Thursday

I would never want to feel that ache deep within where it would be so hard for me to breathe. I will never want to delete your number, change mine, change everything on all of my social media accounts, even my email.. I don't like that hallow feeling inside where in you know someone very important to you, someone you love other than yourself is gone, left you behind...It is something I am afraid to feel ever again. And they say you can only say that you are ready to love when you are ready to get hurt again. which i still cannot understand until now. why would you want yourself to be ready on the things, situations and people that will surely, fucking hurt you the most? why?

don't get me wrong, I am not hurt now...and i hope i will never be again..because i have been there. it was dark, cold, sad...and all the things that made you secure, your whole being was just cut, burned and broken into ten million pieces...i am not there. and i will never, ever want to be there...i will run away from that place...

yes, people move on and they will eventually move forward, begin a life, try something new, meet other people but it will not take a second, a week, a month.. or maybe years for someone to heal for real. it will really take, just one perfect person to make you forget all the hurt that you felt...and you are told that you are ready to fall in love, to love again if you are ready to be hurt? fuck that logic. maybe someday i will understand that..for now I have to run away from that place.

xoxo,
s.♥

Remind, Reminder, Reminded.

What's happening now reminded me that I am blessed with a great set of family and friends outside this cruel environment I am in right now. Don't get me wrong, I love what I am doing at work very much. I learned a lot from my colleagues and bosses but there's no such thing as a perfect working environment because some misunderstanding(this I get) and gossips(this I don't) are bound to happen.

I am currently putting too much effort on telling myself that I NEED and MUST think of positive things. It's kinda hard to shut up and not stand up for myself because I chose not to confront the people involved but finally I've decided to talk to a person who was constantly sharing his thoughts about me. I am not sure if he will be honest enough to confirm or maybe tell his story, defend himself or just try to fool me with his jokes.

Minsan, wala lang mapagusapan, siguro the best topic na kami para sa kanila but damn ganun na ba ka-interesting ang buhay ko para sa inyo? Ganon talaga siguro but i am the type who wants something logical...So I can fully understand and forgive.

Going back to my first statement.... I've been smiling yesterday and during dinner time because there will be people who will make you smile and laugh (yes I was eating alone and I was laughing like a retarded seal), some were trying to set dinner dates, meet ups and will message you for no reason...Those people who are important in your life and who actually cares for you. I was reminded that those who matter will always be there for you, will kick you in the ass if needed, will adore and cuddle you, will be the constant reminder that you're blessed.

and yes, I used remind, reminder, reminded a LOT. LOL

All i have now is FAITH, that in this dark and dreary place...light will shine again.

s.♥

2014

First entry for this year!

I couldn't believe I didn't post anything last Dec31/Jan1! HAHAHA No plans for 2014? Nope. I just totally forgot! HAHAHA Aside from not having a strong internet connection in Isabela I actually traveled back to Manila on new year's day! HAHAHA

Mixed emotions when I left home. Mom went to Ilagan with me and Kuya to make sure I have my bus ticket back to Manila.

Few days later I got the biggest news for this year so far! :) Again, what's up? HAHAHA Work load has been so tight and heavy but thanks to ALL the angels, saints and to Jesus for keeping me sane enough to wake up each morning and facing all the tasks and people at work.

I think the word for this year really is: PATIENCE

Just celebrated something special last week! Yihheeee :) Feb-ibig it is! :) Now, back to your regular programming :)


xoxo, s.♥

I miss my college friends.

xoxo,
s.♥

PERFECT BALANCE.

CREDITS HERE

My Love Will Never Fail You - Marie Hines

I am good with words. I am good with how I use these words. I am good in how I convey these thoughts into words..how it is written and said. Maybe I am gifted with how I use these words..But I hope you will believe me in everything that I say. Remember these words will never be enough to make you feel what I really feel now because of you.

I was listening to the song posted above for more than an hour already. This is just one of the songs that makes me want to write here again. My heart is filled with gratitude, happiness, love and I know it is stronger than ever because you are here with me.

I don't really believe in chances or serendipity. We can always choose what we want to be, who we want to be with or even the people we want to be with and even the situations we are in. But I think what we have is a perfect balance of serendipity and the choices that we made months ago. And I am thankful it all happened this year. It is unexpected. It is beautiful. It is perfect for us.

Thank you. Thank you so much for the unconditional love you're showing to this little brat girl..Thank you for making me yours and for allowing me to call you my one and only.

As much as I want to share every bit of emotion I have now...I want to keep it to myself. You definitely know what my thoughts are..so don't get bothered. I will see you soon.

I love you so much.

xoxo,
s.♥

disclaimer: I haven't edited the post above. Free flowing thoughts on this one.:)

All Piled Up

The title of this blog entry fits all of thoughts I wanted to write... Beware. This post will be full...of BS. I need this.

1. I never liked people who doesn't appreciate what is given to them.
2. I never liked people who will just be nice to you just because you gave something to them. Fuck. Be genuine.
3. It is REALLY HARD for me to be "plastic" with other people. Mahirap siya gawin at hindi ko lubos maisip kung bakit para sa ibang tao ay napakadali nito.
4. Before you assume, there is this method called "ASKING"... I am not saying I NEVER ASSUMED ALL MY LIFE, but BS...I never, never ASSUMED someone liked me...tapos i-share sa iba. FU. Mixed signals? Why don't you ask me first?
5. Why can you be so manipulative?
........
so that's about it. full of BS and FU. :|

xoxo,
s.♥

Thoughts running inside my mind since I dyed my hair darker over the weekend: (as if there's a connection between the two??)

1. Building my the fence and clamming up again just to keep my defense stronger. Being complacent is never an option..

2. I guess it's a sign..that I will never say anything to you..

3. If you did not do ANYTHING wrong DON'T EVER FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ANYTHING!

4. Sometimes even the people you trust use your weakness just to "test" you...having fun? Good for you :)

Oh well.


xoxo,
s.♥

*credits to the owner of the photo*

Never settle for mediocrity, test your limits but always do your best and be open for new knowledge and experience. :) Posting this just because it's the start of another academic year for me while juggling work and personal life..Challenging? Yes, could be.. I am praying for patience and faith!

Never quit!

xoxo,
s.♥

It's always nice to feel special and loved, but it would be nice if you will make someone feel special and loved.. :) To make something very special work, two people should and must make an effort to make it happen.. :)

**credits to the owner of the video

xoxo,
s.♥

SUMMER 2013

Beach trip? None. Who said that going to the beach is a requirement for having a happy summer? HAHAHA

Read three books for this summer? Wasn't able to finish one book!

Got enough rest and sleep? Uhmm. Next please.

Meet new friends? Yes.

New routine? Yes.

Finally meet your sister and nephew after 7 years PLUS a family reunion/mom's bday?YES.YES.

Meeting people who makes you smile and laugh and happy? Yes. Yes.

New point of view?Yes.

New experiences? Yes.

Travel? Yes.For work and only ONCE for leisure.

HAPPY? YES!


Dearest SUMMER 2013,

You will never, ever be forgottonen.

xoxo,
s.♥

We get to meet someone who will forever change our lives, our choices, our routine but guess what..THAT SAME PERSON will also make you happy..

OFF-TOPIC:

While browsing my post this year and last year I noticed a BIG difference between APRIL 17, 2012 and APRIL 17, 2013. HAHAHA


xoxo,
s.♥

"siguro kung boyfriend mo ako. proud ako na ikaw ang girlfriend ko..."

something to that effect. nakakamatay!!!! :D

xoxo,
s.♥

FIRST QUARTER 2013

I am thankful, blessed and I am still learning a lot from everyone.

As usual January- March were deadly. My schedule in the office (events, meetings, out of town projects, etc) and school was  insane but I am thanful for the experiences, learnings, failures and successes.

I finally got my grades and I am contented but I know I could have done better. But I am still congratulating myself for doing a better job than the previous semester. I have 15 units left before my comprehensive exam and thesis. Yes, it's easier to say these things but there will be a whole lot of work to do. :) I am not yet ready, I will hug the first sem this June with open arms but for now I will enjoy my vacation from school.

I got to travel for work in Mindanao for 8 days then to Vietnam. I am thankful for the learnings and experiences again. Irreplaceable. :)

Finally... today April 17, 2 months to go before my 25th birthday..and today I am happy. I am contented. I am pleased. I am thankful and most of all I am blessed. :)

I accept the fact that I do not know everything, that I cannot please everybody, that I have few but real friends and I am gaining new friends who can back me up anytime, I am still learning and looking up to people who is very willing to teach me, that I am very strict with myself and yes I have high standards and will never lower it down just to please anybody, that I will never be alone, that change is constant and I am gaining momentum and I'll be who I want to be someday..In the meantime I will enjoy everything and slow down this summer. I promise to read AND finish at least 3 good books :)

CREDITS HERE

xoxo,
s.♥