Disclaimer: Originally written last year.

I am inlove and it's none of your business to know who the person is. Okay? Understand? :) Thanks.

xoxo,
s.♥

You will never be the first one.

Kahit kailan hindi ikaw ang una sa buhay ng taong mahal mo. Hindi ikaw ang unang crush, first kiss, unang holding hands...Hindi ikaw iyon. May nauna sayo. Lalo na kung nagmeet kayo at your early 20s, for sure may mga nauna na sayo.


Wait. I sounded like...RB. HAHAHA

xoxo,
s.♥

I would like to start writing about the memories I've collected for the 26 years of my existence here in this world. I am afraid that someday I will forget it and nobody will tell me about it. It is more for me than for anybody. It is not for sharing nor for any of my loved ones. It is meant for me. I wanna return to that day where Lola Nitz would cook the best sinigang I've ever tasted, or how Mama Ro taught me how to write my full name, how I enjoyed going to the office of Papa Ruso, or why was I hiding under my Mom's table during her class? Those moments..that makes me happy now..that's all i have of my family. I am far away from them, some are in the province and out of the country.

i must say, all the strength that i have now are just coming from mere memories, phone conversations with them and photographs. I wish I could be with Mom as she gets older, I wish i could see Raz grow up and play with him..

I've never thought of death as much as i am doing right now. i am afraid of it...but damn i am so curious about it. what is it like in heaven? will i see Mama, Papa, Lolo, Lola or Papi?

xoxo, s.♥

Normal July Thursday

I would never want to feel that ache deep within where it would be so hard for me to breathe. I will never want to delete your number, change mine, change everything on all of my social media accounts, even my email.. I don't like that hallow feeling inside where in you know someone very important to you, someone you love other than yourself is gone, left you behind...It is something I am afraid to feel ever again. And they say you can only say that you are ready to love when you are ready to get hurt again. which i still cannot understand until now. why would you want yourself to be ready on the things, situations and people that will surely, fucking hurt you the most? why?

don't get me wrong, I am not hurt now...and i hope i will never be again..because i have been there. it was dark, cold, sad...and all the things that made you secure, your whole being was just cut, burned and broken into ten million pieces...i am not there. and i will never, ever want to be there...i will run away from that place...

yes, people move on and they will eventually move forward, begin a life, try something new, meet other people but it will not take a second, a week, a month.. or maybe years for someone to heal for real. it will really take, just one perfect person to make you forget all the hurt that you felt...and you are told that you are ready to fall in love, to love again if you are ready to be hurt? fuck that logic. maybe someday i will understand that..for now I have to run away from that place.

xoxo,
s.♥

Remind, Reminder, Reminded.

What's happening now reminded me that I am blessed with a great set of family and friends outside this cruel environment I am in right now. Don't get me wrong, I love what I am doing at work very much. I learned a lot from my colleagues and bosses but there's no such thing as a perfect working environment because some misunderstanding(this I get) and gossips(this I don't) are bound to happen.

I am currently putting too much effort on telling myself that I NEED and MUST think of positive things. It's kinda hard to shut up and not stand up for myself because I chose not to confront the people involved but finally I've decided to talk to a person who was constantly sharing his thoughts about me. I am not sure if he will be honest enough to confirm or maybe tell his story, defend himself or just try to fool me with his jokes.

Minsan, wala lang mapagusapan, siguro the best topic na kami para sa kanila but damn ganun na ba ka-interesting ang buhay ko para sa inyo? Ganon talaga siguro but i am the type who wants something logical...So I can fully understand and forgive.

Going back to my first statement.... I've been smiling yesterday and during dinner time because there will be people who will make you smile and laugh (yes I was eating alone and I was laughing like a retarded seal), some were trying to set dinner dates, meet ups and will message you for no reason...Those people who are important in your life and who actually cares for you. I was reminded that those who matter will always be there for you, will kick you in the ass if needed, will adore and cuddle you, will be the constant reminder that you're blessed.

and yes, I used remind, reminder, reminded a LOT. LOL

All i have now is FAITH, that in this dark and dreary place...light will shine again.

s.♥

2014

First entry for this year!

I couldn't believe I didn't post anything last Dec31/Jan1! HAHAHA No plans for 2014? Nope. I just totally forgot! HAHAHA Aside from not having a strong internet connection in Isabela I actually traveled back to Manila on new year's day! HAHAHA

Mixed emotions when I left home. Mom went to Ilagan with me and Kuya to make sure I have my bus ticket back to Manila.

Few days later I got the biggest news for this year so far! :) Again, what's up? HAHAHA Work load has been so tight and heavy but thanks to ALL the angels, saints and to Jesus for keeping me sane enough to wake up each morning and facing all the tasks and people at work.

I think the word for this year really is: PATIENCE

Just celebrated something special last week! Yihheeee :) Feb-ibig it is! :) Now, back to your regular programming :)


xoxo, s.♥